I have written and rewritten this about 20 times. Here goes.
I met my husband for the first time when I was 13. He sat behind me in French class and did everything in his power to get away with learning as little as possible. I was quite the opposite and tried my best to do well and keep my head down when it came to school, I wasn’t very confident you see (….anyone who knows me now may not believe me when I say that). The last thing I could imagine happening would be a BOY noticing me but unbeknownst to me there was one who’s eye I caught. We didn’t really speak to each other until he sat next to me and from there he wound me up constantly for a solid 2 years. He was the boy that would ping my bra strap, hide my pen, scribble in my text book, get me in trouble for talking…the list goes on and it was so very very annoying but he made me laugh! We were 15 when he asked me to be his girlfriend and eventually I agreed to this, it took a lot of asking as I was so nervous and didn’t really think he liked me that way. We spent a lot of time together and he really brought me out my shell, he made me feel pretty and happy. As our high school life came to an end so did we and it was horrid, as all teenage romances coming to an end often are.
After that I spent 8 years in and out of relationships, both long and short, and wondering if I would ever feel quite as many butterflies as I did when that boy from school would look at me and smile. You know the kind of feeling when every single part of you smiles, that smile you can feel in your stomach….the oh no he’s got me smile. Well I can safely say no one ever managed it and I put that down to me hardening over the years after so many horrible relationships had crashed and burned around me. I had the most toxic people come in and out of my life and every time a part of my happy, live and let live attitude disappeared with them. It was really hard to accept that you make your own happiness but I had a fabulous set of friends who helped me on my way.
Then, I had a friend request on Facebook from none other than that boy from school. My. Heart. Jumped. I swear to you all I smiled that smile instantly. I didn’t even think I just messaged him to say hi and then panicked about whether it was weird but luckily it was too late, he messaged back and I was so glad he did.
After that we spoke for a while and then met up. It had been 8 years since I had last seen him and sitting there talking was like we’d never been apart. It was crazy and wonderful and before long we were living together. I had spent the longest time feeling like I had to do it all myself and nobody had ever shown me a reason to let that guard back down until I met him. He was supportive of my life and my choices, he lifted me up when I felt my most down, he’s my ultimate cheerleader and that is just the best. He taught me that you absolutely should be focussed on finding your own happiness, but, when someone comes along who wants to help you find it it’s ok to let them in.
We are now very happily married and we have our tiny human, it’s a long way from perfect but we have a house full of love and laughter. He makes me smile every day and that is so very important. He put me on the path to finding confidence in myself when I was 15 and now he is helping me every day to find out new things about myself. He has loved me in every shape I have been, from a size 6 at 16 to a size 14 at 26, he loved me through the crazy make up fads I went through to the mum bun and mascara basics! I learn to love myself through his love for me, don’t get me wrong I still need to learn to love those bingo wings but I’m getting there.
So I hope you didn’t mind the slightly longer read but this one was important to me. I’ll sign off here I think.
“Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?”