You.

I have written and rewritten this about 20 times. Here goes.

I met my husband for the first time when I was 13. He sat behind me in French class and did everything in his power to get away with learning as little as possible. I was quite the opposite and tried my best to do well and keep my head down when it came to school, I wasn’t very confident you see (….anyone who knows me now may not believe me when I say that). The last thing I could imagine happening would be a BOY noticing me but unbeknownst to me there was one who’s eye I caught. We didn’t really speak to each other until he sat next to me and from there he wound me up constantly for a solid 2 years. He was the boy that would ping my bra strap, hide my pen, scribble in my text book, get me in trouble for talking…the list goes on and it was so very very annoying but he made me laugh! We were 15 when he asked me to be his girlfriend and eventually I agreed to this, it took a lot of asking as I was so nervous and didn’t really think he liked me that way. We spent a lot of time together and he really brought me out my shell, he made me feel pretty and happy. As our high school life came to an end so did we and it was horrid, as all teenage romances coming to an end often are.

After that I spent 8 years in and out of relationships, both long and short, and wondering if I would ever feel quite as many butterflies as I did when that boy from school would look at me and smile. You know the kind of feeling when every single part of you smiles, that smile you can feel in your stomach….the oh no he’s got me smile. Well I can safely say no one ever managed it and I put that down to me hardening over the years after so many horrible relationships had crashed and burned around me. I had the most toxic people come in and out of my life and every time a part of my happy, live and let live attitude disappeared with them. It was really hard to accept that you make your own happiness but I had a fabulous set of friends who helped me on my way.

Then, I had a friend request on Facebook from none other than that boy from school. My. Heart. Jumped. I swear to you all I smiled that smile instantly. I didn’t even think I just messaged him to say hi and then panicked about whether it was weird but luckily it was too late, he messaged back and I was so glad he did.

After that we spoke for a while and then met up. It had been 8 years since I had last seen him and sitting there talking was like we’d never been apart. It was crazy and wonderful and before long we were living together. I had spent the longest time feeling like I had to do it all myself and nobody had ever shown me a reason to let that guard back down until I met him. He was supportive of my life and my choices, he lifted me up when I felt my most down, he’s my ultimate cheerleader and that is just the best. He taught me that you absolutely should be focussed on finding your own happiness, but, when someone comes along who wants to help you find it it’s ok to let them in.

We are now very happily married and we have our tiny human, it’s a long way from perfect but we have a house full of love and laughter. He makes me smile every day and that is so very important. He put me on the path to finding confidence in myself when I was 15 and now he is helping me every day to find out new things about myself. He has loved me in every shape I have been, from a size 6 at 16 to a size 14 at 26, he loved me through the crazy make up fads I went through to the mum bun and mascara basics! I learn to love myself through his love for me, don’t get me wrong I still need to learn to love those bingo wings but I’m getting there.

So I hope you didn’t mind the slightly longer read but this one was important to me. I’ll sign off here I think.

“Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?”

It’s all a bit new!

For as long as I can remember exercise has been a dirty, filthy, awful word to me. Don’t get me wrong I have always been aware that it is pretty much essential that you take care of your body, “you only get one”……etc. Making a start on these 7 minute work outs seemed quite daunting but I knew the first one would be the hardest. So I get up, put on some stretchy clothes and realise I have no idea what a burpee is. Google to the rescue! I sit and read through the variety of exercises I’ll be doing and watch YouTube videos of people doing them. Wow, they all look like they do this in their sleep, toned would be an understatement. I got up and I worked my way through the 7 minutes and you know what, it did it’s job. It got my heart going and my tiny human only tried to join in right at the end, which if I could have filmed I would have because she sat on my head whilst I was doing some leg raise things.

After a few days I had got the hang of a few more of them, it was still not my favourite thing to do but as far as exercise goes, it was ok. I then had to go to hospital and for various reasons have been told to avoid food that contains animal and dairy fats as well as sugar. My reaction was to agree politely whilst screaming WHAT?!?!?! on the inside. Obviously this is for health reasons so I had to follow their advice. But no cheese, are you serious? Essentially my diet is heavily plant based now, almost vegan but I throw in fish. It has shown me just how badly I was eating before this because all of a sudden I had to really look at the food I put in my mouth. I have to read labels and take notice of what exactly is in this food and that can be quite scary. I will never be the person who goes on and on about how life changing it can be or how much better it is for you because it is all personal choice and that is everybody’s right. What I will say is that, for me, it has been brilliant for my energy levels, my skin and lastly I have lost weight. The best thing is that I feel in control of my body more so now than ever. This is a huge thing for me as I have felt out of control for so long, I gave my body up to grow another person and now it is finally starting to feel like my own again. You know what, it feel bloody amazing.

So once again I thank you for reading and if you choose to join me next time I will update you on how the new exercise and diet are all going. I’m trying out a vegan brownie recipe soon so I’ll let you know how it is……I don’t have high hopes but you never know!

As the ever fabulous Kate Nash once said “and this is my body, and no matter how you try and disable it, yes I’ll still be here.”

My Mission to Improve My Health & Wellness Whilst Having A Baby

Hello!

I’m Alice, 26 and currently a “stay at home mum”. I’m not sure why I feel like I need to include those pieces of information, maybe Alice, happy soul and Fleetwood Mack fan would sum me up better.

I am on a mini mission to improve my health and well being, both physically and mentally. Having a baby can really take it out of you. Like, seriously, no one really explains how much will change in the months after you bring this little person into the world. I mean yeah of course my body changed, I was fully prepared for that, but what I didn’t see coming was my crisis of self. That is to say I felt like I was losing touch with the person Alice was pre-baby. There was a long 6 months where I felt like I was drowning in pressure to be a good mum to this tiny being. I would sit and think over and over about how bad I was for not taking her to baby massage or sing a long groups (yes, seriously this becomes SO important). Dragging myself and her out of bed seemed hard enough without adding on getting fully dressed, bottles organised, changing bag packed…..the list goes on. Going out became a chore and it was one I thought I could do without. And then a switch went off in my mind.

This is MY child. I can “mum” however I feel is best for her.

The time came for me to start pulling back those pieces of Alice that I thought were gone forever. I woke up and put my make up on. I’m a massive lover of lipstick in fabulously bright shades, so I got them out of storage and into a lovely new make up box. For the first time in nearly a year I felt like me and it was brilliant. I smiled and got the tiny human dressed before we went out to meet my friend. The worry of packing everything and trying to get out the house for a certain time went away because, really, I was doing my best and I recognised that now. Rather than panicking that everyone would stare if she cried, i told myself, she’s a baby, this is what they do and if the strangers in the coffee shop don’t like it they can look away or leave. The fact was it was their problem not mine, and I know crying babies are not fun to be around, but I was doing my best.

This became my mantra, “I’m doing my best”. And you know what it was enough then to get my through. A few more months went by and I could feel my confidence coming back and it was more fiery than ever.

So now the time has come to really shove some walls down that I have built up over the last year. I am determined to do a small amount of exercise every day, to build my strength on the outside and give me some of the confidence I feel I lost over the last 18 months. As I’m glued to my phone I have downloaded an app that gives me a 7 minute workout everyday. No pressure to it, just will power and I can fit it around my little ones schedule. I’m hoping that by documenting my time with this through the blog I can keep that momentum up.

You lovely lot are welcome to join me and I’m sure there will be some highs and lows along the way! So I will leave you with the wise words of my fab dad,

Keep on rocking in the free world.

(p.s this is my very first attempt at a blog and fingers crossed it’ll get better! Bare with me!)